Actually, I planned to be very guai today and go pia homework.

In the end, I spent the morning, talking to Keith, getting the useless Aquaroad cd [[the paperstand is so cute though]], and fooling around. =/

Hmm...then watched Hitch as well hahas. Which was kinda.. ohkay. Urms. Not that nice lah though.

Tried to play Pangya. >< But Asiasoft Passport was down. And I didnt effing get the invitation.><

Not fair lo. Kwanki got it. ><
Last Tuesday he was like: Zhixin play golf with me, Zhixin play golf with me.

O.o... Cause I dunch noe how to play golf. And really, apart from the reallyreally nice graphics, the game sounds weird. I mean, SERIOUSLY. GOLF?!

=/

When the patch was finally up, I was busy trying to download through the useless CD, the auto-patch, manual patch, Bittorent manual patch, Bittorent full version, normal de full version... for 1 1/2 hr. ><

Then got frustrated and APed a few people who were trying to download also =/
My apologies...

[[Oooh...and sorry HB, who was trying to talk to me but I was urms... doing something else >< sorray.

]] Actually, I think everyone was frustrated also le lah. Beixin gave up to go to sleep. Lala. Finally logged out of MSN as well... cause couldnt stand certain that certain mapler. =/

Hais. Kwanki was prolly one of the few who got in first. Dunch know how he does it. ><

So jealous and pissed off can!
He got WINDOWEDMODE. Which meant, he bypassed the Gameguard. I mean, sure, its lousy... but still ><
Secondly, he succeeded in downloadin the patch and was already in the game when all the rest of the maplers online couldnt get in ><
Last of all, when he was talking to me, his mobs dropped him a EFFING TUBE. RAWH. ><

Ohkayohkay. lesson learnt from the sbs last time ler. Spending time to go tube-hunting/sb-hunting will be a waste of time. =/ since, Keith wants to catch up and since... its a waste of invent. space. Buaix

GREEN WITH ENVAYYY STILL

*

Anyway, fooled around while waiting for the patch. And after the patch too LOL :


Baby the Shih Tzu


my darling Cuddles <3
[[LOL, he looks like I dunno, some kind of basketball playa in that shirt. hahas]]


And finally got into MS:


Aquaroad was fun. But dumb. Very. =/ Lamed around with Evileyes and gang.


The puffy blue fishy so cute xD. Haha, and I lurvelurvelurve that bubble with that heart inside. cause its so cute. =)))


There's this weird zoo in there as well. And we were allowed to jump inside the 'cage'.
LALA. LAMINNNN ARND xD


&there's a rog too! WOOTS. =)


Fooling around with Evileyes. eeps.
sometimesIjustcanthelpbutflirtback.

*

Got into trouble with one of my kors because of that picture up there. =/

Because he misunderstood and everything. He's still sore cause last time I blew him off for this guy who threw vulgarities at him. =/

oops. ><

I meant the above pic as a JOKE =x. But well, kinda hard to communicate with them.

And now, he prolly thinks Im a player or something. And he was like "Nvm, we know each other so long. Nvm. Nothnig to say to you. Nvm."

Then so >< can. Cause its all an effing misunderstanding. They all hear me. But nobody fucking listens.

Its like I'm a guy and I told him "I swing the other way." &he gets all 'understanding' and 'tries to accept me for me'

EEKS. I shouldnt have went for Project Be-Despo last time. Then now, he dunno. &he dunno. And I dont there to say anything. Cause both of them equally scary. =/

Like what Tiffy said, as long as they dont see each other =x

Hais. Also, that hate triangle. >< The A dont like B. vice versa. B dont like C. vice versa
Point is, they hate each other. =/ eeks.

[[&im caught in the middle]]

I'm so dead. Got into the mess & now its so hard to get out. ><

Buaix.

homeworkhomeworkhomeworkhomework. ><

mugging time. hais.

0949night.

14thMarcho6

I'm watching you disappear
But you, you were never here

Janlin tried to criticize my RVCO webbie today. Cause he find the design... not practical
=/

Tough.

I admit I'm not a great designer or anything, but to follow the rest of the crowd, to keep doing things the expected, "traditional", "normal" way... its just boring. For me. Its just not me

. I'm sorrayy, but I feel the need to be different. I need them to be me. Sorrayy, next time, remind me to get someone else to do the design then. I know my skills suck. But, they're me.

D E S I G N. that's something you gotta learn, homo myheaddrysfasterthananumbrella. =/

I have always been this sensitive and emo.

><

Spare tyre
It's only your shadow
Never yourself
It's only your shadow
Nobody else
It's only your shadow
Filling the room
Arriving too late
And leaving too soon

I know I'm supposed to be happay for euu. But what if you turn out to be like the rest... what if one day, yoo just disappear. The irony is, you were never here physically. =/

I cant stand for yoo to leave. Not when yoo have already found me. Not when we're this close. I don't mind not being her. Don't get me wrong, I'm satisfied with who I am to yoo now.

Cause it's better than nothing

You made the promise. Don't tear this paper heart into two.

*

Dance practice till latelatelate today.

[[[dunch go that corner! go that corner, yoo'll get raped.O.o

LOL ]]] scary

Especially when Dionne forgot the steps, I almost freaked out. ><
&each time, before the music plays, I have to try to suppress that annoying lil voice in my head that goes: euu cant do it. euu fall. euu can do it.

and then I get all tense. &then I start to worry I'll screw up.

I really gotta RELAX.

So many pairs of eyes on me, and its like they can see through it all. How insecure I've became. How reserved.

&when yoo dance, you become someone else. you're not you.

right. sighsighs. gotta work on the whole 'Im-not-me-but-someone-else-entirely-when-dancing' thannggg.

&also the whole facade thing. when dancing that is. Cause when yoo dance, yoo bare your soul, sometimes unconsciously, to the audience. &thats creepy but fascinating. Intriguing.

I think I'm starting to have stage fright. As in...not scared of the people watching but the stage itself. I think.

Didi said to close my eyes. But close my eyes will fall down stage mahs =/

But come to think of it... closing my eyes, is starting to become a great idea.

*

NO B R A V E R Y/jamesblunt

There are children standing here,
Arms outstretched into the sky,
Tears drying on their face.
He has been here.
Brothers lie in shallow graves.
Fathers lost without a trace.
A nation blind to their disgrace,
Since he’s been here.

And I see no bravery,
No bravery in your eyes anymore.
Only sadness.

Houses burnt beyond repair.
The smell of death is in the air.
A woman weeping in despair says,
He has been here.
Tracer lighting up the sky.
It’s another families’ turn to die.
A child afraid to even cry out says,
He has been here.

And I see no bravery,
No bravery in your eyes anymore.
Only sadness.

There are children standing here,
Arms outstretched into the sky,
But no one asks the question why,
He has been here.
Old men kneel and accept their fate.
Wives and daughters cut and raped.
A generation drenched in hate.
Yes, he has been here.

And I see no bravery,
No bravery in your eyes anymore.
Only sadness.

1000apparentlynotthatlate.

13thMarcho6

It won't rain all the time
The sky won't fall forever
&though the night seems long
My tears won't fall forever




When everything falls down,
will you hold my hand?

According to plan.

remembered hearing this phrase from Corpse Bride. How "everything must go according to plan"
Then, remembered the countless times I've heard my parents say it. The teachers say it. -Shudders-

"So, Zhixin, did you follow your plan today?"
"Did things went according to plan?"
"And we shall do this, according to plan"

><

Their mistake is that they assume that their plan, is my plan. BUAIX.

Unlike youus, I do have a life.

if you can call it one.

Well, I'm glad that things did NOT go according to plan today. Well, your plan, that is. Rebelling? nahhh... I prefer to call it: doing things the RIGHT way.

my definition of 'right' :]

Clutch at the sand too tight, it'll slip throught your fingers


*





lalala~

finally saw a crimson rog =/

*

&so I lie abit more.

my little white lies-
They become dark and ugly. And I live on these lies everyday, so much so that they start to consume me

And sooner or later, I become a lie.

*

ITSYOU/ryancabrera

Another night goes by without sleeping
'Cause I know I won't wake up next to you
Another life goes by without dreaming
And I can't help but think that mine will too

I'm standing before you with this label on my head
I'm pleading before you for you to understand

Baby it's you
When I look up in the sky I see you
Then I turn and close my eyes
It's you
When I'm sitting all alone in my room
Everything reminds me of you

The time is slow and I am sinking
Into a hole blackened with lies
And though I made it myself
You stand watching as my life passes me by

I'm standing before you with this label on my head
I'm pleading before you for you to understand

How much I adore you
I'll be there till the end
When everything falls down
Will you hold my hand

Baby it's you
When I look up in the sky I see you
Then I turn and close my eyes
It's you
When I'm sitting all alone in my room
Everything reminds me of you

1145latelateatnight.



12thMarcho6



&justletthem w a t c h-



I've gotta go, before I go crazy
let go in everyway, cause anyway,
I know that euu hate mii.

*

Got so paranoid this morning cause of last night's conversation-confrontation-breakdown. So afraid that history will repeat itself - that I returned back to square no.1

>< So afraid that euu became nothing more than a mere memory. &i have nothing left except the smses, &the ghost of a smile.

dont let us drift away.

Cause it seems like lately,
everyone's a bit too busy
And I'm left forgotton on the shelf

Would euu care to pick up the broken pieces?

*

its not as complicated as it seems, dear. Everyone's miss.understooded too.

you're not alone. Im not alone. I wont jump. So don't you jump without me.

&i heart euu too.

That's our promise <3.

Keep it?

1235thenextmorning

11thMarcho6



Fact no. 1: I'm never in control.
Fact no. 2: I will always be living in her shadow.
[[[dance, like no one's watching]]]

Fact no. 3: Everyone's watching. My every step, every move.
Fact no. 4: Stage-fright is not a valid excuse.
Fact no. 5: I'm screwed.
*
0620dayy

10thMarcho6



its not real. its not right.

new webskin. based on my new nick. =)

lala~

last day of term 1. bleughs. Realised I should have cleared my desk like 3 days before today. Anyway, Jingwen found an emptayyy locker for me to put some of my stuff. Hopefully by nextnext Mon, my books will still be there. =/

According to JingWen, "they won't be so boliao to check all the lockers". =x Still, you'll never know.

Aurghs. Still have to go back to school. >< I know I should have gotten used to all the... "un-holiday-ish" holis but ... T.T


Weekends. &I get more and more demoralized everytime.
All the: "I used to praise you for being so alert... now you're just..."
"Your work this year has been rubbish"
"what happened to you"

What happened to me? I wished I could answer that myself.

I cant keep blaming ms forever. Its not them who changed. Its me.

This is my last year. At least, my parents promised they'll let me back in after O levels. Bleughs.
To them, my world will stop spinning until after my Os. That's what they say. Emptayyypromises.
And it sucks cause this is my last year and I fell and I dont think I can get up before 7th April. I'm just not good enough.

Who am I kidding. The stage has no place for someone like me. &its hard because I know I do give 110% every time but ... I just cant do it anymore. Like what she said recently "you used to be so open, and now you're so ... ... reserved."

Put up my plastic smile. Look up2theceiling so the tears wont fall. Continue dancing. [[[ & nothing hurts more than the truth.]]]

itsnotms.itsnotms.itsnotms.

people change. i changed.

&now, i wann to change back.

*

i wished i never met eu.

1134nite