29thAprilo6
went to orchard!
for nothing. Well, almost. since Dayy and huimin were late. =x then only managed to take neos and had to rush back emptayyhanded
Speaking of which... Dayy was like sexually harrassing me the whole time =x then the neos came out rather =x ... haha.
I'm so not photogenic.
poor beixin. cause after I left, heard that she became my substitute. then i was like hoping that finally Dayy changed target luh. =x
this ish gonna be hard. since Day sits infront of me and all. >.> eee... then she also uses Eunice's MIRROR method.but she like siao char bo liddat. ^^
dunch les me luhh! haha.
damn, I hate my busy schedules on Saturdays.
I had to rush all the way from Heeron to __________ . Then I transferred to the wrong mrt and ... ranlykehell
hurhur. then reached there... though I was late, they havent even started yet. >.>
aurghs.
I really need to learn how to run more. I get tired over running short-distance which is ><
Its really different. The atmosphere and all. Its like so tense, cold... quiet.
And all the songs all so... classical? hurhurs. its scary luh. Leg cramp = ><.
Too busy admiring those two girls with different leotards. Its kinda... distracting luh. Out of the sea of HOTPINK, there's black and brightBLUE.
The black one is so... classy and so... OMG I WANN ONE! ><
The brightblue one is nicer though. I wonder where they buy their leotards. The brightblue one is veryy sexayy haha. as in though its low back as well, it has manymany complicated-looking strappy stuff at the back. which is so cool.
eee! finally this year can abandon my uglayy hotpink leotard. And finally, can get navyblue! I hope =]
Couldnt recognise Rosellini after her hair-cut. But her hair-cut was supersuper nice!
I'm superr jumpy today. =x
Anyways... chickflicks on monday? or "study" at Orchard? =x hahas.
I'm feeling high now though. Cause SEAFOOD is finally online! =x
&rather random too. =]
There is a sickness, a fatal disease
an illness inside that nobody sees
bit by bit, it eats away at your heart
completely tearing you apart
you'll know when it's about to begin
you'll feel like your chest is caving in
it never sleeps, it never dies
it feeds off fragile and innocent lives
you can try your very best
but know that it will never rest
it makes you weak, it makes you sad
it makes you cut, it drives you mad
you'll never escape it, you'll never be free
and I know for a fact cuz the sickness killed me
-Ashley Carver
1205witchinghour.
28thAprilo6
Finally OVER.
No luh. Far from it. But at least let me enjoy the brief respite while I can.
It was expected. There was not a single completed answer. Slacked for 45minutes waiting for well, it to end. Then its like, saw everyone furiously writing away and I was like T.T
Art was a disappointment. butohwells. At least I wont fail.
After that went to JE then ate lunch. Then kept sharing horror stories. There was this reallyreallyreally annoying pair of siblings. Who resembled the little boy from Ju-on. Yes, that creepay, pale dude.
Anyways, Stella was like "you very annoying leh" then hahas, she very cute luh arguing with the little boy, who keep trying to get our attention. Seriously, he totally freak me out luh. With his voice and all... aurghs.
Then ice-skated! wheeee...so long never ice-skate. =] But I went off at around 2.30 cause I too tired haha. And I needed to maple. =x
What a game. I really regretted ever playing it. I'm not hooked on it ... I'm just... Its not because I'm addicted to the game or whatever luh. But ever since I started playing it, it has just lead me on to tears, false hope and more tears.
Which may seem kind of stupid. Sure, I dont deny that without it, I never would have found people who actually care. But recently, its just... getting more and more complicated.
Not for me, but for _
I mean, violence. Sure, I understand the whole without her, life is meaningless and the she's all I ever think about and the deeply in love part... but violence?
There are other ways. Civilized ways. Ways that do not necessarily lead to bloodshed and more tears.
I mean, he's a BLOODY SEC1 for goodness sake. Sure it sucks that her parents are forcing them to be together against her will, but... thre are other ways.
She's not just a prize you guys can fight over and well... she's obviously worth more than that.
Personally, I feel that the whole thing is just waytoo DRAMA and soNOT this century luh. I mean, love at first sight? How long can that sustain?
And that there's no point fighting cause its obvious that though she's not physically with you, her heart belongs with you.
So you've already won the war.
However, if violence is the only solution now... then ... jiayou bahs ... kor.
you cant lose.
this is such an emo year.
bleugh.
1011nites.
27thAprilo6
1 more left to fail
&thenits overr.
hahas. not quite.
what's worse than taking the exams? getting back the results. =x
aurghs. I'm gonna start splurging my heart out. Vent it all at the malls. <3
[[ oops. someone's trying to get me over to Aquila. >.>
aurghs. AQUILAAQUILAAQUILA. stopit. T.T]]
Saw Jingwei today. And he said what, want to bet with me 1k in bootes that he'll fail physics.LMAO.
I know I should be mugging for Amathematics. But really, why bother. I'm sick and tired of it. just like everyone else. What's the point of going on, when you know that you're just gonna flunk it anyways.
Physics was horrifying. Slept for 15min. =z
Literature was ... I cant remember. Cause it was too rushing. Thankgod for Carmen, who reminded the teacher that she was 5minutes earlier. yea. 5minutes. but it made all the difference
Well, I regretted not putting more effort in memorising the quotes but arh, cant be helped.
Too much is too much. I have my limits, and I know where they are.
Dont get me wrong. Pushing is good. But not over the edge of the cliff though. TYVM. cause ignore how pessimistic I sound, or how sucidal some of you assume I am, I really do not have a deathwish
AMATH! whats there to say anyway. I hate mathematics. rawh.
Of course, I'll mug later. But much. I just do it to please them. Then I can sleep. xD
morning = go school. afternoon= come back asap to slack. night = please them by mugging. late night = slack. early morning =sleep.
I really do need to get a life.
alrightiees. I'll look forward to tomorrow's class outing. Da first everr. =]]
Hope there'll be people ice-skating though. sucks to skate alone. >.> I MISS SKATING! hahas. I'll probably flip and fall over since I havent skated in a long time. But ohwells. hahas.
and then going to watch TAKE THE LEAD. I doubt will be as good as the... the one JenniferLopez acted in... what was it? Mad Hot Ballroom? Nope.
Oh yea... SHALL WE DANCE!
yea, I shall. that movie is effing nice! xD
Yea, so since Takethelead only had 3stars, I doubt it'll be that good in terms of plot. I hope they'll make that up with their moves though! Cause the poster of that movie is so HOT.
0622evening.
25thAprilo6
right. fail le.
I actually have more confidence now in my higherchinese compared to my chemistry. &thats saying something since my h.mt always like either fail or just pass hurhurs. SHHHH! talking about school+results is depressing. T.T
Actually thought I understood everything. But then, last minute... ALL FREAKING GONE.
That's another promise broken this week. Sorries. =x
Like how for the 2nd part of the chemistry paper, I didnt really like focus. Cause the invigilator was too... interesting. Like I've seen her somewhere and yet I cant quite put my finger where... or when. =x
Then it was like she very weird. She came 15minutes early! then dayy&me were out finding people to ask from help from...
[[yea, saw my matchmaker! hahas. regretted the whole thang though. =x I'm not a fan of marriages of convenience-s]]
then went back to class... its like everyone were like waiting for us. damn paiseh luhhh. right, naturally, I did horribly.
MATHEMATICS tomorrow. ohkay SHIT.
So what did I learn today? Always always, look from all angles when looking into the mirror, before going out. Dont just look from the front. hurhurs. I feel so mean. but seriously. =x
All those 'small' stuff are really distracting, yea? I mean, to me luh. haha. in a badbad way of course.
like i keep thinking, OMG DOESNT SHE REALISE. etcetc. =x
highlight of the day? when mrs look was speaking and then suddenly... silence. then, a black crow flew past and went ARH ARH ARHHH
anyways, got kinda pissed. I mean ohkay, people have different expectations of themselves luh and you were disappointed yeayeayea. -.-
and its already like whatthefuckinghell? we have 20+marks difference and you're ranting to ME. sorry, but I'm a very sensitive person. It was as if you were mocking me ohkays.
right, that I could forgive or ignore, since practically everyone around me is like that.
What I couldnt stand was that you ASSUMED that my ENGLISH, my LIT and my OTHERSUBJECTS are 'very good'. which is like, BULLSHIT
please f yourself, tyvm.
dont make ASSUMPTIONS asshole. [[oh look! cool... alliteration! haha almost. ]]
And I'm serious. my lit is like FAIL-LE-WHAT-YOU-WANT-ME-TO-DO and compare bah. since that's what you seem to LOOOOVE to do. and for once, compare based on the facts set infront of you, not the assumptions in the back of your head.
Suddenly, its becoming OH-SO CRYSTAL CLEAR why they ditched you.
Note to self= bring ODT. mathematical set.
0357muggingstill.
24thAprilo6
I'm alright.
muststaypositive.muststaypositive.
=x
Wini said that I dont need a reason to cry
must stay positive. at least till the end of the week.
afterall, I promised some people that I will smile. =x hahas. Smiling seems to become so natural to me that I dont notice that I'm smiling. :D
Anyways, too many people are falling&breaking down. I must stay strong. Every man for himself. =x
everyone jiayou bahs.
&pick ourselves up. Though it may be the season of falling and fallen, we cant stay bleeding on the ground forever. Well, we can.
but still, survival of the fittest.
BAHHH. I dunch know. I'm going back to mugging.
Piece of advice: dont cry after every paper. Cry after all the papers. =x
1013mugging.
23thAprilo6
"when the exams are here, time behaves like snails"
I totally agree.
I keep getting so insecure because its like everyone's working so hard and I feel like I'm not working hard enough. And when I dont feel like I have actually studied.
My biggest concerns? Physics, Amath, Mathematics & Chinese
hurhurhurs. I'm tired from mugging these few weeks, and yet I feel as though nothing went in
Then keep getting so frustrated over myself. =x
My sleepless nights
And red puffy eyes
Swollen from crying
my eyes out
over nothing
Nothing much.
its not my marks I'm worried about
because it has never been about what I want. It has always been THEM. and THEIR expectations. &right now, I know that its impossible to reach it.
Thanks to those who keep telling me that my best is already good enough...but.
it can never be good enough
I guess you're right in saying that I should find someone I can trust to talk to...but its like. I really dont see the need to talk to anyone about these childish worries. I mean, everyone everywhere has these kinda worries and probably even more. What am I compared to them?
The world doesnt revolve around me. So thankyou, but I'm gonna cope with this myself.
and my blog. hurhurs. like just totally rantrantrant. its like screaming on the beach, not caring who hears you. =x
there's no need to find some adult to talk too. I dont trust them. Who does?
iabsolutelywanttokillyou. got busted by my sister. Life sucks. Screamt at her then locked myself in the room. hurhurs. then went all emo.
Pathetic with a capital P.
then went on the phone. then went emo again. then ______________ [[edited @ 0745]] to go back to mugging.
Speaking of which, I really should go back to mugging.
Note-to-self: go get some of the stuff Day is gonna use for her eye bags.
Boo. I just got the flu. Damn those tears.
runaway. somewhere. whatsthediff.I'm just gonna die one day.
I'm not pessi. its true.
1118morning.
19thAprilo6
take me away to that emptayy apartment
yoo stay.
&forget where the heart is
and someday.
went to Macs after school today for lunch. Everyone went applepie crazzeee! hurhurs! xD
in the end, the amount of applepies we ate was equivalent to that of two trays. =/
there was this girl&guy in sitting near us... then I think they had problems lur in their relationship and the girl was crying for quite a while. =/
Then, the guy talk to her like very aggressive and then they stared at each other. hurhur. i'm such a busybody.
but it was very scaryy. like watching one of those drama serials.
anyways, they went to order food. I was behind them. &then I heard the guy said : do yoo know why I'm angry in the first place
&the girl was like very quiet. then their food came, and as they turned to walk to their tables, i accidentally knocked into them and then their drink fell.
then the guy was like very bushuang me but then the girl was like very... quiet and all and she was like its ohkay its ohkay *insert weak smile*
=/ I feel quite bad luh. after that the guy walked off and left the girl
everyone's falling out.
right. back to applepies. Jiahui actually asked: what is in an apple-pie?
and we were all -____________- . yea, oranges. mangos. papaya.
a group of students sitting near us were, I think, quite irritated luh. Cause we laughed so loud. Heehees. Then we gave them ONESTARING CLAP. xD
but kinda scared they will write complain letter or what lah. but since they didn look like they knew the format we decided to forget it xD
then we wuliao, played applepie-dare. dunch know what to call it luh. its like SpinTheBottle, except its with the apple pie cover.
Landed on Chrislyn, Day &winifred.
They were supposed to ask some guys in Macs for their numbers but the guys walked to the busstop ler. =/ then we were afraid that the people left will complain and write complain letters, since they quite old, THEY KNOW THE FORMAT. =/ hahas.
So we had to ask... sameage people who may not know the format of tou shu xin. =]
We met the 3 guys from dunnowhichschool at the busstop again. So chrislyn went up to the Abel-look-alike, sitting in the middle, and said: Can I have your number?. And he was like: *shake head* NO.
Then chrislyn turn to the other one. Who was also like, NO. The third one rejected as well.
Then chrislyn turn to us and said: they dunnwann to give me their phone number!!!
heehees, we also like very weird luh. like standing in one big group and one side of the busstop. =/
in the end, the guy on the left whispered to abel-look-alike then he gave chrislyn his phone number. but later, we heard that he told his friend that he gave fake phone number -.- and then we laughedlike siao char bos. and walked away.
Now, it was Day's turn. =]]]
she was supposed to ask this shuaige in yellow shirt for his number. but she chickenedout. then there was this old man behind mah. So she asked THE OLD MAN. ^^
The old man was like staring at her blankly. so day walked away, dejected. =] and stella was like: nothing,nothing to the old man. By this time the yellowshirt shuaige was walking away mahs. [[forgot to add that we were on the overhead bridge]]
So the shuaige was below us. And we shouted for him to give us his number. And his friend was like: him, or me? and then the shuaige was waving his hand away, looking rather annoyed. hahas.
Ohwells. Winifred's turn. =] we decided to hold the dare in school.
There was this group of 4c guys, I think, playing football in the tennis court. So winifred, ran up in a bimbotic way, and said with a bimbotic voice:I WANT TO PLAY SOCCER!
Ar first, they ignored her, cause probably her voice too soft.
So she repeated I WANT TO PLAY SOCCER. then she pointed to this guy, who had his shirt taken off, and said WOOOOOOH, SEXAYYY!!!
And that guy was like: held up both his hands and was like: thankyouthankyou.
What he didnt know was that, we meant the 'sexayy' in a sacar way. =/
Anyways, winifred is worried that her reputation is tarnished. since her senior were among them.
Went back to class, and told the class what happened. Jingwen refused to believe that Day was shy and chickened out. hurhurs.
Then as MrsTay was 15min late, we came up with some 'claps' for MrsTay, ZhuYi, Yenchai and please
Give me ONE zhuyi clap: clap *sarca* WOOOH SEXAYY!
Give me THREE yenchai clap: clap HUH? WHAT? WHATS YOUR PROBLEM.
heehees. annoyed him. then he got shy and went out of the class. ><
AURGH. midyears. i freaking hate _______.
i cant afford to _______. because I need to _____.
and i feel so fucking _________ & ______.
i need ________. i want to ______.
0554evening.
18thAprilo6
Like what I predicted, we got scolded. He was like, all smiling, and then he wrote on the board: I'm going to scold people. Ignore if you're not the target.
I guess that was for Wantian luh. Since she's the only biochem student not absent. And she usually APs him. =x
Anyways, Jingwen got very agitated and scary when he started rebutting. I mean... no matter what a teacher does to us, no matter how unfairly or unjust he or she has treated us, they're still teachers after all.
I know, I know. Give respect only when respect is dued, right?
Unfortunately, this is the way it has to work. They have more authority, so we might as well just shuddup =x.
Besides, its not as if anything we say will make a difference. We've already been condemned.
Walked in the rain today. Cause I dont have an umbrella. Aurghs. the road back to MRT station is so effing long can. Though the rain was heavy at first, it was that kinda look-heavy-abit-heavy-but-i-can-still-tahan der that kinda rain.
At first it was fun. heehees. beixin and I walked in the rain while the others had umbrellas. but it didn make a difference for them as they got kinda wet too.
Then when we reached the back gate there, we were horrifiedto see the whole place like flooded. ankle deep though, not that serious luh. LOL
But our socks&shoes were like soaked. And it SUCKED bigtime. T.T
Splodging around in our wet yucky shoes. yes, there's no such word as splodging. but, I dunno how else to describe it. ><
Anyways, after that, the rain started to get heavier. MUCH heavier. Heavy until bu nen zai HEAVY le. Then it was like, kinda hard to even see where I'm going luh. Cause I was drenched and the rain kept pouring down and all. >< To make it worse, my file and bag were slipping.
Tried running. But it was too difficult. Cause the rest of the path were kinda flooded.
T.T
when we finally reached the busstop, the people there were all staring at us. Our uniforms were soaked and abit see-thru. Our pe t-shirts, was heavy, cause it was drenched. [we used pe tshirts to shield ourselves LOL] And our hair... T.T I looked like I just came out of a horror movie. But I really was too T.T to care le.
aurghs. muggg! ><
saddening really.
0558evening.
17thAprilo6
MRSOH COME SAVE US!
yea. i realised the importance of mr soh too. ><
rightrights. sure, she's great teacher. But ohwells. cant help it if I dont understand rights. Aurghs. Spent the whole half hour crapping. Cause I really cannot do.
We were just the victims of the circumstances .
I guess Janson suffered the most lah LOL. since he is the physics rep after all. =x
scary sia. In one day, everyone in class [except the biochem students] had their names recorded in the management diary.
Great. then they'll be talks and all about how L is slacking etcetc. T.T &the usual. lala dee dums.
=.=
I realised today when I'm nervous, I will get unusally high. Yea. and all the vulgarities will come spilling out.
Weirdly, people dunch get intimidated when I start shouting vulgarities. aurghs. they LAUGH. ><
I have no idea why I got so nervous over such a trivial matter. aurghs. I feel so pathetic and embarrassed. I'm hopeless.
I blame my phobia. well, socalled. =x
yea. and whatever goes up must come down right? So well, forgive me for my sudden mood swings today.
So much unhappiness. but I think its better to mind our own business, rather than to judge people by what we see. For all we know, the relationship may be just purely physical. platonic. &let them. Who are we to judge anyway.
We complain about what others do to us, yet we're doing the same to others. Who's the black pot now? =/
If they knew how misery loved me.
I'm getting weaker&weaker everyday. feel like screaming out in frustration because of them. All of them. THEM and their expectations, their assumptions.
bloodyhell.
I just want to fast forward and press EJECT.
:'x
Highlight of the day? when I saw Justin and went 1pitchhigher and said JIEJIE!
&justin was lyke: AYE! please luh! Then he walked away. bet he was embarrassed. hurhurs. cause that time he told tiffy if this get out to my friends...
=x
baybee, when eu talk like that, yoo make a woman go mad.
1035nite
16thAprilo6
falling. everyone's falling out. everyone's failing.
everyone's falling. getting moreandmore depressed each day.
fall.
falling.
fell.
I dunch know. But its like year06 has been a very... emo year for me, for everyone.
keep losing the things that I hold dear to me. things&people
and i miss yoo loads.
&iguess this is growing up.
its just like that Aerosmith song...
dont wanna close my eyes
I don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream would never do
I'd still miss you baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
yea. just reminisicing. =/
this wont do.
I'm just thankful __ still by my side. I may have lost everything. But at least, ___ still there. ____ everything. My only source of comfort now.
there's nothing to forgive
seriously. just ignore everything I bitched about previously. I dont expect change. Cause its not possible.
forgive what? its not as if we've been betrayed or whateverr.
change. I dont believe. not when this has been the way for whoknowshowLONG.
and even if there's change. the change will be... well, there's just this new, like... wall/barrier thing. cause the change was forced and all.
change for the better? yea right.
aurghs. &the rest of the people prolly wont be affected much since your identites were never revealed. so, its just me luh. T.T
&im the kinda person who usually stick to what I feel. I know i've been rather childish lately. =x
but i'm that kinda bitch.
unreasonable. ><
in about 6h, I have to go to school. T.T &here we go again.
im seriously becoming more&more nocturnal. its like in the day I'm dead, and at night, its when I can finally breathe.
<3night.
1211nite
14thAprilo6
No school.
Went to JE to mug. At first thought it'll only be Yisheng, tiffy and I.
Turned out to be almost like I'm intruding on a 4c class outing. hahas.
nevertheless, managed to get some things done. =/
Aurghs. then passed by Pizza hut. &everything came flooding back and inside, I was aching to run off to the nearest toilet to break down.
One moment we were everything. The next, its like ... gone. you vanished without a trace
we said our goodbyes indirectly. &then we parted. never turning back.
but I'm afraid its cause we're so alike. So much so that both of us dont even dare to make the first move and break the new-formed ice.
Nothing happened. 05 to 06. that's it. that's all. and the very next day... gone.
boo.
butterflies. I hate them. Remembered how Wanleng said they were supposed to be reincarnated souls... or somethingsomething. Then, cannot kill them.
Aurghs. This makes the whole situation even more creepayy. like early in the morning, see the moths/butterflies in the bathroom. >< eeeee!
Chemistry was crazy from the get-go
Neither one of us knew why
We didn’t deal nothing overnight
Cuz a love like this takes some time
People start off as a phase
Said we can’t see that
Now from top to bottom
They see that we did that
It’s so true that
We’ve been through it
We got real shit
See baby we been...
Too strong for too long
(and I can’t be without you baby)
And I’ll be waiting up until you get home
(cuz I can’t sleep without you baby)
Anybody who’s ever loved, ya know just what I feel
Too hard to fake it, nothing can replace it
Call the radio if you just
can’t be without your baby
I got a question for ya
See I already know the answer
But still I wanna ask you
Would you lie?
Make me cry?
Do somethin’ behind my back and
then try to cover it up?
Well, neither would I, baby
My love is only your love
I’ll be faithful
I’m for real
And with us you’ll always know the deal
We’ve been...
Too strong for too long
(and I can’t be without you baby)
And I’ll be waiting up until you get home
(cuz I can’t sleep without you baby)
Anybody who’s ever loved, ya know just what I feel
Too hard to fake it, nothing can replace it
Call the radio if you just
can’t be without your baby
See this is real talk
I’ll always stay (no matter what)
Good or bad (thick and thin)
Right or wrong (all day everyday)
Now if you’re down on love or don’t believe
This ain’t for you (no, this ain’t for you)
And if you got it deep in your heart
And deep down you know that it’s true
Well, let me see you put your hands up
Fellas tell your lady she’s the one
Put your hands up
Ladies let him know he's got you locked
Look him right in his eyes and tell him
We’ve been...
Too strong for too long
(and I can’t be without you baby)
And I’ll be waiting up until you get home
(cuz I can’t sleep without you baby)
Anybody who’s ever loved, ya know just what I feel
Too hard to fake it, nothing can replace it
Call the radio if you just
can’t be without your baby
Mary J.Blige. worth listening to luhs. reminds me of We Belong Together by Mariah Carey. heehees. but I prefer We Belong Together. in terms of the lyrics and the voice. =]
1203sian
13thAprilo6
frustrated with how it is. with my own feelings. with them.
Paranoia taking over control.
=/
&i become more aware than ever whenever I'm alone.
But its a matter of pride. Its not because I'm anti-social.
Slept during mathematics. Then mrs tay woke me up. aurghs.
IST! IST! >< but what to do... no one else wants the place
I'm hard to please. =/
Like what I told my friends, there are two kind of girls in this world, bitches, and bitchier bitches.
=D
lala dee dums. NAPFA. =/ I have pretty low standards luh! I'm just glad I pass everything.
I passed standingbroad jump! rejoice! rejoice!
muggingdays. >< woots. at least I managed to get Yisheng to help me with my mathematics... in exchange for Soh's physics notes!
oooh. which reminds me... must practice speaking like Stalin, Hitler... etcetc. =]]]
lala! im prettay high now cause I passed NAPFA!
She says she's no good with words but I'm worse
Barely stuttered out
A joke of a romantic stuck to my tongue
And weighed down with words too overdramatic
Tonight it's "it cant get much worse"
Vs. "no one should ever feel like.."
I'm two quarters and a heart down
And I don't want to forget how your voice sounds
These words are all I have so I write them
I need them just to get by
We will own your thoughts
We'll own the songs stuck in your head
We'll leave you kicking and screaming so you can thank us in the end
Dance, Dance
We're falling apart to half time
Dance, Dance
And these are the lives you love to lead
Dance, this is the way they'd look
If they knew how misery loved me
You always fold just before you're found out
Drink up its last call
Last resort
But only the first mistake and I...
I'm two quarters and a heart down
And I don't want to forget how your voice sounds
These words are all I have so I write them
I need them just to get by
Why don't you show me a little bit of spine
You've been saving for his mattress (with love)
Dance, Dance
We're falling apart to half time
Dance, Dance
And these are the lives you love to lead
Dance, this is the way they'd look
If they knew how misery loved me
0944nite
12thAprilo6
Everyone's miserable. Its just that most are not emo enough to show what they really feel. =/
*
Today was awkward. But aiyahs. Its like seeing another me. move on and accept.
accept because she's one of us. &besides we've all been in her shoes before.
but sometimes, some things just cant be helped.
its just how the world works.
the view's great at my newdunnowhetherpermanantor temporary sitting place. all I can see is Huimin's cuteflirty ponytail. =]
And though I'm momentarily spared from Kaiting and Eunice's sexual harrassment, I am not able to runaway from Dayanna. Who is sitting beside Huimin.
And once she feels wuliao in physics, since she doesnt take it, she'll start harrassing me. &practice flirting with that lil mirror of hers. LOL.
exactly like Kaiting and Eunice. =/
its a conspiracy, I'm telling you.
*
Class contact time was really funnay. I was trying hard to convince Stella. Cause she discriminates fair guys. carmen added that fair guys were like gigalos. Wanleng went on explaining what gigalos do.
HAHAs. Anyway, Stella stopped discriminating ler, after I offered to help put back her plate. LOL.
Yea, then doodled on Kaiting's paper. Didnt know need to hand in. Then everyone there were like trying hard to rub my rubbish off. =x
Yea. Then the hilarious piece of news which sent everyone, everywhere ROTFLMAO-ing. =]
its scandalous, im telling yoo.
ooh. and jl actually has TWO admirers. What is the world becoming to?
Huimin and Day were like arguing whether his face was fuglier than his hair or vice versa. So mean. LOL
*
life's not suppose to be this way. but that's life.
I mean those rumours about me and all... a small part of me is aching to rant and defend myself and say what's really going on, and whats true. but the other part of me is just tired of all the shit thats happening. &its like its not as if anyone will care whether I'm right or wrong. It has never been about whether whats right or whats wrong. Malicious rumours. They exist for a reason.
There's no point. They may hear. But they listen. Here, no one cares whether you're right or wrong. Truth doesnt matter. It has never been about truth. Its about bringing us down.
&let them. I'm too tired to fight back. its pointless now.
*sucks really.
i am irrepressible teenage angst.
here is my bitchy poem.
whine.
moan.
woe is me.
(insert typo here)
i can use
drastic S P A C I N G
to make my point
(insert computer shorthand here)
my girlfriend just dumped me.
whine.
perhaps i can
write at length about
s u i c i d e
(insert trite phrase about loneliness)
because i am ohsotouchy
sob.
so, to all you
heartbroken
struggling
adolescents out there
shut
the
fuck
up
your poetry is horrible.
pain does not always equate great art.
now, go write something worthwhile.
- !gustoboy
hmmphs what a mean guy. at least let us emos have our space and freedom to wallow in self-pity. let us emos retreat and whine. =] we're labelled emos for a reason.
1152whined
11thAprilo6
At least clear up the misconceptions.
&startover.
we're a class after all.
I'm a disappointment. =/ butohwells.
I'm sorry for making yoo cry. But I aint taking my words back. You've gotta learn to be strong. And you can. You're just too afraid to try. Because everystepthat we try to take, seems like a mistake to others.
But be bold. Cause we cant please everyone.
Yeas. Like those bitches out there. Who dont have the balls to come up to tell me what's their freaking problem.
You dont even know me. And until you've heard my name through rumours and assumptions, I seriously doubt you knew I even exist. And its stupid.
People here are probably MUCHLESS than I give them credit for. People whom I supposed are intelligent enough to tell from reliable sources from a bias sources... etc.. [[aurghs. history . LOL]]
anyways, how can you simply assume that I'm the one who is despo when firstly, I wasnt the one who 'proposed' and I was the one who initiated the break.
Now, kindly please explain to me how I'm a despo like that?
&go find out the definition of desperate. thankiews. the feeling is mutual.
rumours are rumours. and they can be warped. that's where they become dangerous.
cause its believable. &though its not the truth, everyone believes it. and its truth thats irrelevant now. :'(
They wont listen. But since when did anyone?
because apparently this place is filled with so many fools who are easily taken in...
sadly, thats how it works. &we're powerless.
there's just too many stupid people. tragic, aint it.
Many thanks to those who stood by me through these rumours, those who said "I know she's not this kind of girl" and those who believed in me.
=] <3
yayness. thanks to chairPURRRsons investiture, I dont need to take NAPFA today. Good. =]
Buaix. Art. Hais. I'm just not ready to involve so much of myself in my art. How can I? when everything will be revealed to everyone?
Its just like whenever I try to dance, I have to hold back because letting go is dangerous. How much can I let go before I fall?
Its like standing stripped for everyone to see. My flaws. My deep,dark secrets. Everything. Must I? Cause I just cant.
Its like standing unarmed in the middle of a war-place-thingy-where-they-fight. argh. whatever its called. Yeas.
Like what everyone says, trust no one, not even yourself.
We've just gotta learn to breathe.
Thinking too much is unhealthy. for me.
workworkwork.nomeaning. but there has never been one. I should stop kidding myself. but pretending to believe in something is better than none at all
at least I have something to hold on to, even if it's just my imagination.
&everything is just temporary.
but the repercussions arent.
1041stop.
10thAprilo6
hahas. im damn obvious.
but ohwells. nevermind. its better you know I dont like you than you dont.
It prolly kinda sucks being in your shoes. I mean, so many people who dislike you and yet you are oblivious to it all. hmms, I'm describing myself a year ago.=D
But hey, yoo yourself wrote in kaiting's book that its 'plagarism'. you know. &yet you dont.
you said: i copy, ni bu shuang. then, now I dont copy, you also bu shuang.
hmms, dear, you're still copayying. when you've stop, then say bah.
Aurghs. All I'm trying to do is to stop and show the rest of the world that I'm not you.
I'm different.
Leena kept calling me you today. People say we are so alike. And I do care what they say because, hey, the reason is pretty obvious. I dislike someone, so naturally, I would be offended, very much, I would like to add, when they say I look like that person
I'm me.you're just a poser. you're just trying to be a bit of everyone you see. a bit, fine. but posing? not cool.
not when you're trying to be me. not when you're trying to be them. its like, dunch you have your own life to lead?
ohkay. maybe I'm oversensitive with the whole plagarism issue. fine.
but the whiny part? gurl, that has seriously gotta stop.
I cant stand you bitching over the tiniest issue and making a mountain out of a ant. or whatever that's smaller than that. You fuck here, bitch there
Please. Anything you say can be used against you. So speak responsibly. Dunch anyhow crap. Especially not over "oops-I-broke-my-fingernail" kinda matters.
oh, and the hair thing has gotta go to. yeas. that especially.
what hair thing? read huiyi's blog bah.
and the whole being an irresponsible sitting-partner thing, yeas. I'm sick of that. thankiews very much. ><
but I dont deny being in the wrong lah. for anything that will happen in the future. near future.
I should have kept my mouth shut. but still, securityis very important.
I mean, its bound to come handy in the future. To have links with certain... influential people.
:] I thank MS for introducing me to this kinda peeps.
Today was stupid. Like any other day. Scolded for simply being the lastLETTER class. its a conspiracy against all lastLETTERclasses, I'm telling yoo.
I didnt get ZERO for mathtest! WOOTS. I got 12/50 xD I was grinninglikethere'snotomorrow cause I was so relieved I didnt get single digit. I cried the other time when I found out I wont get zero marks. haha. relief. =)
&18 for hist. a nudge for me to get my life back on track?Well, stop pushing it. I knowIknowIbloodayyknow. Aurghs.
Nice right? Courtesy of Wanleng. But sorray. File-designing is currently closed =x Her marker out of ink.
My file rocks now cause of that design. hahas. so kawaii! Im in lurve with that devil. =]
[[Haaaish. Sorry. I know I keep saying I will stay up late so that can finallyfinally talk. but then I keep falling asleep after that, then you wait for me until dunno when. Like that time supposed to be 12am, but I fell asleep & you waited until 2. aurghs. feel so paiseh. ><
Then. you people. haha. thankiews for the compliment. but really its just photoshop.
&thankyou for telling me that.
gosh! I just realised how much I miss Seafood. =x whatever happened to him?
anyways, KT, Seroyen... is ... a disappointment.]]
*
end of shoutouts haha.
I feel so neat and guai1 after getting a new file! xD
haha. Im so random today. fine. change tomorrow. wish me luck.
A good sitting partner determines a good future.
haha. well, its one of the factors lah.
give me anyonebutyou.
&thenI close my eyes. goodnight.
1110sleep.
8thAprilo6
Survival of the fittest
Unless you're strong, you cant survive.
&the world is everchanging. yoo cant survive. not unless you can adapt
Well, I guess I should stick to what I have always believed in. But then again, people keep telling me that I'm too innocent. Yea, maybe I'm simple-minded. But it makes no sense to me, to think so complicated and so deep, when actually, its that simple. -.-
things arent what they seem.
&its crazy. I'm telling you. its crazy.
but yea. its either that or, the person's an evil, mad teen who is trying to take over the world.
lala. alot of us would pick the latter. why? cause everyone seem to think so complicated nowadays.
or maybe its just I'm to naive. haha. which always seems to be the case nowadays.
So anyway.
my view on the class seating arrangements thingayy. hmms, well, my apologies to the class since I'm one of those responsible for the change.
thus, I'm SO FOR IT BAYBEE!
xD
yeayeas, I know I know, selfish and everything, must affect the whole class. But then again, the whole thing may not be as complicated as I used to think... minus allthedrama. For it to happen, the teachers must be convinced that the change will have some positive results on our academic...indirectly. yahs.
buaix. forget it. its better not to go into anything. anything I say will be used and can be used against me. =x
Yea, I'm still for my change though. My change. =]
stayed up last night to watch Wishing Stairs. Which was I dunno, I fell asleep halfway through. And it wasnt scary. Only at the part where she went on pointe and blood stained through her pointe shoes. aurgh. thats just. >< scary.
yea... the other scary parts are just... well actually, the actresses running around are scary enough. LONGLONGLONGSTRAIGHT hair.
They're already like the ghosts themselves.
Aurghs. This is also why I absolutely dont mind my change. I dont mind where I'm changing to as long as there's a change. =D
Its scary that she does it, OBLIVIOUS/IGNORANT to the fact that. aurghs. I don't want go in there.
*
Today was stupid.
everyday's the same damn shade of grey
how right you are. hais.
broke down not to long ago agains.
Now, sleeping in the parks is actually starting to be a great idea.
Sure, it doesnt solve the problem. But if nothing does, running away and avoiding will suffice. for me.
&its back to the shadows
I go
Nobody cares
Cause nobody knows
&with the shadows
we roam
we think they dont care
we think they dont know
and we are the shadows.
what a crappy piece of shit.
1036evening.
7thAprilo6
hurrhuurrs. surprised that some remembered. I dunch know lahs. I'm too used to being unmissed, unloved, invisible and ignored.
But then again, I think its sometimes more of my paranoia taking over me, and my awareness,of how lonely I am whenever I'm not around people, that leads to my conclusion/assumption [[who bloodayy knows -.-]] above.
But ohwells. This is what those fuckers used/or probably still call: typical _________ thinking
well, fuck them to hell. those people have gotta learn to let loose and learn how to fucking fuck. lord knows they need more happiness, excitement in their lives. -.-
And since they're so bloodayy despo, we should just give them what they want-fuck.
They're gonna rule the world one day.
Aurghs, Im becoming so vulgar. tsktsk.
I blame the weather.
So anyway. First rule of survival: survival of the fittest.
has been and always will be.
naturally, one will assume that this mean yoo have to be all-powerful etcetc to survive. And then one will resort to nasty means to become the 'fittest'. cheat, lie...etc. all that DRAMA, baybee.
hahas. but its true lah, that rule. >< some people just take it abit too seriously.
Yah. revenge.murder.blood.power.pride.tears.suicide.
drama. cant live with or without it. xD
yea. drama. loads of unhappiness in class today. [[okay, exaggerating]]
there was some discontent in class today because of the changing of seating arrangements. etcetc.
ohwells. just glad to find some fellow poser-haters. woots. haix. Aiyah, since its going to happen, let it happen, time to mix us around baybee. after all, we're a class. we're supposed to be ohkayohkay with everyone. might as well take this chance to bond with our new partners.
all right. crapping here. i cant even convince myself. =.=
I can already list the top 4 hated people in class. alright not hated lahs. just disliked. by a few, or more.
buaixbuaix.
ballet exam today. hais. I know, I know. I could have plie-d harder, go higher, point harder etcetc. but ohwells could've been worse. >< aurgh sickening headache.
this headache has taken its toll on me.
&i couldnt stand it. for the last half of the entire hour in there, my head was throbbing and I seriously felt like just crawling into a corner and die. ><
my left pirouette was surprisingly ohkay, albeit shaky. my adage was shaky too. errs, actually, just the right developpe.
but rosellini said it was v.nice. my facial exp, she meant. which was rather weird. cause all I did was smile. even though I didnt meant it.
hahas. plastic smile. i perfected it. cheeseeee. xD
then the examiner was like, in a wonderful accent: I ask yoo to relax. how are yoo suppose to relax if you're in you're fifth position. dont worry, I cant look at yoo went I'm writing.
then i was like: O.o [[serously, the scariest examiner everrr. cause usually those who are friendly are stricter. haha. thats the general assumption.]]
eeee. my tarentalla. I was smiling. she was smiling back. we both were smiling. we both know that my Pas de chat ish horrible. yeeps. I kinda screwed that up lah.
then balance [[pronounced as ba-long-se]], was scary. cause I scared I will fall back to my usual habit etcetc. then its scary. I dont remember smiling then. hurrhurr. but the ending was ohkay, I guess. =x
hmm what elsewhatelse. =/ rosellini was caught talking. eeps. yea, first exam without Sophia is weird and scary.
anyways, I'll be really disappointed but not surprised if I dont get honours. I reallyreally wann honours. I miss my honours. aurghs. I should have never stopped dancing last year. I should have put in more effort. and maintain my honours standard last time.
somethings jsut cant be helped.
buaix.rejoice over my chem marks. I PASSED. xD
0621evening.
6thAprilo6
aurghs. headache from hell and im running a fucking temperature.
speaking of which, saw this dance to the SeanPaul's Temperature just now on MTV. freaking hott. >< yeahs.
the MV for Temperature also very nice. Esp, the couple dance part. Wished we had the time to include the couple dance part. >< aurghs. too bad its too hard.
imagine if we included it into the whole dance. heehees. and take their breath away. =]]]
yeayea. I know. dream on.
><
but aiyahs. i think all the limelighters had fun running around and trying to find space to dance lahs. well lesson learnt for the school. if yoo want limelighters to dance, yoo people have gotta give us a BIGGER STAGE MAN! >< dunch look down on us.
though grpA's timing went out of control. =/ eeks. >< i went superfast again.aurhgs. sorrysorry. somuch practice and Im still so lan. T.T and almost lost balance at certain parts. ><
aurghs. i screwed up.
better 3rd than nothing. xD
heehees our cheer is soo suggestive wootwoots. xD
*
i cant wait for a haircut! cause longstraight hair is SO last century. and it freaking makes yoo look like those ghosts from the horror movies. Yea, and its so poser. thats mainly the reason why I'm getting sick&sicker of this hairstyle everyday.
I WANN GET RID OF IT after tomorrow.
and its buhbye-any-resemblance-to-her xD
aurghs. feel like puking and dying everytime everyone says: harr, but yoo like very close. you two even look the same
I'm NOT her.
ive changed.
sorrayys. im prejudiced against whinersposersbiyatches.
one I can stand. but not 3in1. its just too much for me to tolerate.
hmmphs.
im sorry for being such a bitter person. but ohwells. somethings just cant be helped.
blame the weather.
freaking headaches. nitenites.
0135noon.
5thAprilo6
back from camp.
hate the camp. ><
&im now fucking sick because of people with poor management skills.
It all points down to MANAGEMENT. I mean, hey, we did pay for it. Sure, camps are always like that.
and i may be a whiny biyatch. rawh. i should have ponned it.
Fuck it all.
How am I suppose to dance on Friday without being able to feel giddy and nauseous?
For the 5min temperature dance, I had to swallow 3 fucking panadols. &my temperature was still 38.7. fuck it. how am I gonna survive for 1hr plus on 7thapril.
i only went for the class item. which, though abit messy, was rather ohkay. apart from the fact that I TOTALLY SCREW THE WHOLE THING UP.
erratic timing. made a total FOOL out of myself. the 3 panadols were not enough after all.
but hey, even the winning class <3 our dance. Zucchini said it was rather good, though morally... >< he said it was too seductive. Thats why the teachers didnt like it. They didnt like the fact that our skirts were shortshortshort. Though we were wearing shorts inside of course...
so lesson learnt, wear slacks the next time we dance for school.
hate camp.
im so fucking screwed on friday. aurghs.
0623nite.
2ndAprilo6
Enter the dim, cold dance room.
The atmosphere was tense. Scary. and well, scary
I mean, at least I could do a right pirouette right? >.< aurghs. I'm not looking forward to the repercussions of the sec3camp.dance exams on friday lo. whatifs.
LOL. the pianolady smiled at me, and I was strangely reminded of Joseph's cheeeesy smile xD
TARENTELLA. or however its spelt. aurghs. ><
*
Aurghs. cant stand her. them. hers. both of them. The leopard can never change its spots. I mean really, LAUGH OUT LOUD. Despos peeps are really gonna rule the world.
numbar 1: Yoo seriously think yoo have what it takes? you're pathetic. reduced to awsyxubf oiie, ubbixwbr vita. credits to whoever who taught me that code.
act cute then act cute lor. =.= Like I said, I have the rest on mine. Hmm, Pot, is that a black spot?
You dunch know what x.s. really means, so fuck off. Dunch anyhow make an ass out of yourself.
Anyways, you're no supermodel yourself. So dunch crap lah. mei ren yao de. Too bad.
numbar 2: will always be no.2. Shameless. tsktsk. i dunch deny my unreasonable dislike too yoo. but hey, go get your own life, cat! dunch take others, and claim it yours.
*
Temperature :] woots.
1001nitenite.
1stAprilo6
April Fools dayyy.
Anyways... went to Parc Oasis...Carmen's house. To practise Temperature :]]]
Wheee. dance so much today. <3
Went for ballet. &well, my lesson with her. Well, its kinda bittersweet. Cause there were no tears in this goodbye. only smiles. and 'good luck's
&well, i dunno. its just... a premonition... >< as in... well, its like this huge chapter of my life just ended.
And I dont wann to stop dancing. I dont want her to leave. But truth is, she's never comin back. Sure, she wasnt the best teacher but still through grade 1 to 5... we've been through alot. &i dont even remember her name =/
I dontknow. I always get incoherent at this kinda stuff.
Right. Dance. The only reason why Im still allowed to dance now is because of the NYAA stuff. >< it isnt fucking fair. How can you just rip something away from my life just because yoo think its affecting my fucking studies. Ohkay, so I'm failing almost everything. But dance only takes up 2h of my entire week.
You ask me to be motivated. I ask yoo how.
Everything's falling apart. cause we lost it all, nothing lasts forever, Im sorry I cant be perfect yoo take away everything in my pathetic excuse for a life. the most pathetic reason for a ________. yoo took that. &imiss___.
&then its the whole iPod issue, and now, dance.
Seriously, yoo people have NO social lives.
i hate yoo.
*
<3dance. The guys finally got their parts together.
Today was full of butt-shaking =] heehees. then danced to sooo many songs. slut-danced with day :]
hahas. the guys tried to catch up with GROUP1 dance for the BEEP song. the fast part. lala...by the time janson started shaking his butt, we finished. THEY LAGGED. xD
i heart dance. though im rather... inflexible. =x
then went to jec to take neos. Yea, then day and I lagged in the mrt station...the door was about to close, and then I leapt inside. literally. Day... just took the next one. LOL
Anyways, the neos are SUPERnice. imabadbadgurl.
xD
Once huimin scans them and send em over I'll post em up. xD lalala.
late for piano. usual. mugged. blew off another chance of having a conversation with someone who actually understands. bummer. its just not fucking fair.
Im actually looking forward to the camp. Away from this freaking home.
*
wootswoots. =]
Chyiwei went hysterical when she saw this. >< she shrieked. I dunch know. fell in lurve with it i supposed >.>
Our lunch! xD sent the photo to Day. but the file size too big. Day reckons cause the transfer thingy loves her. then wants her pic. =.= ahwells.
I <3 Day's hat! yea, its her >< woots. she says I look like a painter with it. hahas. cute right. Im so gonna get one. someday. =x
Huiyi and ME. lalalas. xD
Groupie! Day,Huimin,Chyiwei,Beixin,Huiyi and ME. in the function room in Parc Oasis. Slacking while the guys were working on their coordination =P
yeayea. HB say I act chio. wadeverr. at least shifu& icy didi were more encouraging. hmph. Rossellini also xD she say I look very hip-hop. well, thats a compliment I guess. ><
0104nextmorning.