30.9


"And the strong must learn to be lonely."

-Eotp

0942.

29.9

but words can shatter the soul
ohkay. im at it again.
EMO entry ahead. hurhurhurs.



):


been a while since i blogged. hurs. too busy with eoys.

its just too much ohkay, _

call me oversensitive but these kinda stuff really do hurt ohkay.

esp. when its CHEM eoy was about to start 30mins later.

mugged so hard and i was all prepared to go in and do my best and not let thosewhomatter down.

and then you came along.
a few words was all it took to bring me down.

i hope you're happy now.

i understand that im not up to expectations. and that because of my bluerings i have to be so much better. but im not.
but do you really have to bring me down right before the exams?

elise kept telling me that it wasnt worth it. it wasnt worth these tears.

and i felt really effedup and embarrassed cause i know im usually much stronger than this. pfft.

i mean, hello. TACT.

FICKEN.

a day before eoys, saw wb in the library. it was really what he said that nearly touched me to tears.
cause he thought i was doing well and all and i was telling him that wasnt true and he went: aiyuh, exams and results are just a... reality check.

and _ (:

... just loads of stuff that really motivated me to do better this time round.

funny how some _can be so nice and some _ can be so bloody mean UNTACTFUL AND INSENSITIVE.

thanks to all those who were there to teach me chem esp. ys and tiffy.

its just too bad im not gonna pass it this time round. again. much less ace it man. yeap, not even multiplechoice.

hurs.

eoys are going horribly. WHOREEEERIBLERRR than last term and the term before and before and before.

its gonna suck bigtime cause im gonna let so many people down again. to thosewhomatter, those who encouraged me even when it was really impossible for me to pass, to those who helped... i think i better apologise in advance hurs.

and to stin, i guess you were wrong. maybe im not fit for this position at all. i guess i was wrong too. in believing i could cope that i could do all this.

but who am i kidding.
hurs.

im gonna go mug for physics and math now.

ciao.

0314pm

24.9

well, thanks to my neighbour's boyfriend, i know what to do when i'm stuck in my bedroom and there's a fire or something life-threatening.

i really cant help but wished that he would fall and break his leg or something.
hmmmph. that's for scaring me outta my wits.

i mean, imagine you're on the 2nd floor and there isnt really a corridor. just this high narrow-ledge-thingy and some punk just run across the window (thank goodness i wasnt changing out of my clothes) and it was really early in the morn and all so i really stunn there luh.

it was a good thing that i heard a loud 'thud' after that or i would've thought ive just seen something... dirty.

you know, im really convinced they had hot passionate _
i mean 1 guy, 1 girl, in a room, damn raging hormones, the WHOLEDARN NIGHT.

if they aint having _ , what else would they be doing? playing chess? studying?

hell no.

ohkay i shant be a prude...
by all means, do your thang.
its alright to be happy man.
_ relieves stress. _ makes you happy.

so do it.

pfft.

was reminiscing awhile ago. stumbled upon a whole stack of letters and was reading and laughing at myself.

words.

as i was telling beixin a few days ago
how easy it is for people to use them to manipulate me.

cause im gullible.

i dont go for cheesy stuff. but i fall for anyone who listens, humours and reallytalks to me. anyone who can charm me with words.

absolutely anyone.

which is why.
which is why.
which is why.

was so proud of myself today. cause i mugged alot. (: weijie knows. he was ._. cause he was slacking.

mugged and mugged and mugged.

everyone's going around just about everybody's tagboard to tell them to jiayou for eoys/psle.
ive been really nice and all by doing that too. lawl. influenced by dear rachel.

to anyone i missed out:

yeah. you guys jiayou for eoys kay.

i cant wait for this to be over. pfft.

1120pm

22.9

ohkay a guy just climbed into my neighbour's window.
and im pretty sure its not a thief.

since he climbed through her window yesterday and she was waiting for him by the window

and they're gonna have wild passionate _ anytime soon .

jk. i hope.

dont know how he managed to climb up. as in her room is on the 2nd storey mah.

sighs.

i think most guys are just jerks who just wants good lay.
after what happened in june and talking to _, and recent happenings and all, I just... feel so...

like is there even a decent guy out there.

_ told me its impossible.

guys who leave their wives for another woman, leaving her with 6kids. guys who do stuff to you and abandon you in the middle of nowhere. guys who lie to you just to get some 'TLC'

yea you get the idea.

beixin was supersweet to me. she wrote: _ to me and it was really sweet.

could be because she was disappointed earlier on cause she brought so much clothes and we didnt want to buy them and it was so heavy.

and she was whining and i felt guilty and all so i told her i'll buy one.

so im in a large debt now.
but at least she say i can pay by instalments or something.

oh yea! she owes me a bite of chocolate.

today we were watching people playing soccer and watching the fishcakes at the same time. and beixin was like: fishcakes etcetc *inset rants*

me: oh look! nerds playing FISHballs.

i meant to say football but fishballs came out

bx: AHAHA! nerds playing with their balls.

today was disgustingly crazy lur. sat in the back with bx and leng
discovered jw's dirty _ on the desk and felt nauseous.
watched huimin go crazy with rihanna's song and going all spastic by waving to some guy from 3k
laughed my ass out over The Statue Of Liberty and his cries of SET YOU FREE!

ohkay im going back to mug. (: buhbye world. and hello daddy.

0735pm

21.9

happy birthday chyiwei.

ohkay. eoys are screwd. chinese went ohkay. english was a disaster.

the topics given are OHSOBORING. we were made to write about those student-leader, commitments, dealing with them, making a difference or teamwork and well, those boring stuff again.

unfortunately for me, im a lousy writer. so given all these _ed topics...

stoned for quite awhile. mental block.

they really have to start thinking of more creative and fun stuff for us to write. seriously.

i was dying in there.

after school, went to The Aquarium. during the busride before i was bullied by everyone. and wild rumours were hurled everywhere. outrageous. scandalous.

ew.

and my FRIEND OF 4years BETRAYED ME. by passing the wildflower to wanleng who passed it to eunice who used it to bully me.

ohkay so she wasnt my friend. as in she's a stranger i dont know her.

yes, im going slightly mental. because of all the stress and the people im around with. like the madwoman, the hidden madwoman and uhhh everyone else with severe moodswings.

yeahhh in The Aquarium. I'm a really dramatic person, that i admit.

i really didnt expect myself to go OH GOD. OH NO OH GOD. then all red in the face.
then everyone suspected something and went all curious and :/ yeah.

i really didnt know why i did that.

and its so embarrassing.

gawd. i think too much.

i dont know why i do the things i do. like its times like this i wish i had a pause, rewind, record and play function.

then i'll overwrite the whole thing.

the thing about me is that im too easy, im too emo.

its just a matter of words. and then i'll start spilling my guts to you and all.

thats why i've learnt to try and keep control of my emotions and restrain. i have way too many people i tell stuff to and its hard trying to keep track of them all.

i wish i had just kept my lips sealed. then things wont get so complicated.

and awkward.

ohkay im off to mug.

i deserve to suffer after today.

0723pm

20.9

went spastic today.
and banged myself silly
from overdosage of laughter.

i mean its really hilarious luh.
i dont know which is more amusing, the fact that she's a twit, or the fact that she doesnt even know how to use question marks.

seriously, i have nothing against twits. i think they're just r3allyyx MiiSsuNndersHhstuud_x people. *poutspoutspouts*

and she's too generous with the question marks. really. *looks at bx*

i suppose bx's gonna blog about it. cause im not gonna explain. i really dont have a death threat.

and gosh, she spells worse than my 9yearold sister.

and she's >16

tsk.

i feel really proud of myself cause im making an effort.

im gonna fail with pride man.

even if they kick me out, i can still hold my head up high *beams*

after eoys, im gonna do loads of stuff, like renovating my blog, designing eldds' blog, and and and partayying!


october is the month of birthdays man.

there's my sister's, mine, celine, beixin, tiffany, wini, zihan. i think thats the order.

and Rose&Velvet decided to hold their open house on 14th october. >=(

thats just great.

open house or not, im not going home early on that day. im gonna have the fun i deserve on my birthday. >=( yeah.

i have no idea what.
but that's a different issue.

yea and on the 24th, all the 4 of us are supposedly gonna have a joint birthday celebration or something at sentosa. >=)

jl didnt believe that the club will function without him. he believes its going down. he believes we dont have the skills. so we have nothing to pass down. he believes that we dont have the 'thirst for knowledge'

well, after eoys, i'll prove him wrong.

ohkay today we had frisbee.
gawd, i feel like a bitch. i mean, only dogs play frisbee. and making me play frisbee ... well, i feel like a bitch lur.

carmen and i were on a roll today. like we won 5-1, 4-2
we're both crazy. HA! cause we both managed to catch the frisbee. and we played much better than usual.

beixin said i was played great today. *grins*

FISHCAKES. the awful stink of dead fishes. the burnt smell of overfried fillets.

*looks at bx* its an awfully big sea out there.


no matter how much we loathe _,
you gotta admit, the point is there lur.

no offence, but dont offend.

sighs. sticky eeky topics.


ohkay off to mug and fail with pride (:

0618pm

19.9

today was really YAWN.
dayanna moved in to sit next to me. perhaps thats why today was so YAWN :/

but i feel clever today. like i can finally do math. *looks at chyiwei and smiles* I didnt even yawn during math class today. be proud of me. (:

chyiwei's gonna kill me for the BIG O.O thing. <:

had chem tuition with ys later on. and B.Y was nearby and he saw how bad i was at chem and told ys: i get what you mean.

welllll, i know im a gone case and its all hopeless. but yeah, even if im gonna fail, im gonna fail it with pride man.

there's more glory in that xD

then i was asking ys about some stuff which according to him, we learnt in sec2 and i was like : :x
then i think he was exasperated or something cause he banged his forehead down to the table and forget that he was drinking dou hua so the whole bowl spilled onto the table and my poor chemfys almost got wet

but he has been very tolerant and patient with me so far. i mean, at my current level, you cant expect me to go running to onghh or any chem cher or they'll get shocked and all.

cause when i say i know nothing, i really know nuts.

oh yeah, and he says, while janlin warps logic, hooker ignores logic
or something along that line

yeah, and i have people coming up to me saying how i sound so much better than jl. and saying that im much clearer. *beams*
*waves to an imaginary audience* thank you thank you, you're far too kind

i really must think less, love more
bitched abit about some stuff today. it really felt good to let it out. i mean, i do think that everyone seem to think that that pretense was for real.

but maybe its just best to just endure and hold on and well... i mean, 1year later and I will be gone. might as well not make things bitter for others.

coooookies. sigh.
she didnt make me her personal slave. and she said it was ohkay but she looked really unhappy and all. everyone says she doesnt bear grudges. thank goodness.

i just owe her a >$10 bdae present.

i dunno. i just feel a bit :/ cause i only had 3cookies for myself in total and the rest of the 2/3, i happily gave it away to everyone around me.

and im supposed to pay for it.

beixin said it wasnt my fault at all.

but then again, it will seem heartless of me if i dont do something for her to make it up.

i dunno lur. but a huge part of me is just really unhappy with the whole thing. i mean, its a bit, 'hao xin mei hao bao', cause i gave alotalot of people the cookies, i mean it is 2/3 and all. and in the end, im the one who's supposed to pay.

*cries: justice! justice!*

and I confess, I am materialistic. my bling is my oxygen.

sigh.

i understand that im a girl and girls used to be inferior to guys and all that shit.
and its obviously different now so please give me the respect that i deserve.

like i have people going 'I SAY YES U DIAM YES MEANS YES', and loads more stuff that i cant blog about cause these people are reading my blog >=(

kids nowadays. tsk.

its just so hard to find a decent teen out there.
its overpopulated with twits, bengs, lians, wannabes, and more twits.

and they're all blarrrdy vulgar.
but its alright. i dont understand them anyway. HA!

you know, cultural differences.

speaking of which, joy luck club is really getting on my nerves.

>=(

1054

18.9

rvnet is finally finally up. HAR!

ohkay. today was spastic. laughed alot. day got offended.

cause there was a WHEE I'M SPASTIC sticker on her back, thanks to yours truly

screwd up the speech too.
*wails and wails*

was really embarrassing. got fanghui's class wrong, some words mixed up, and the NOT ONE NOT TWO NOT THREE part was really _

cause the crowd went all booo or wahhh in that awfully sarcastic manner.

mr soh said: except for your nervousness, that was ohkay.

*wails*

its not a nice feeling to look down at a bunch of people, who are anxious to return to their classrooms /coughMUGGERScough/ and are because of that, looking all cross and impatient and hostile.

gawd I hate that place cause
its a really unhealthy place. emotionally.

*looks at day*

cause people there always find some ._.u reason to hate you. so you walk down the halls of that place everyday, and feel many pairs of eyes staring at you critically, judging you when they dont even know you

and what do they all have in common?

they all hate your guts

lovely place to be.

the safest place there is my class.

well, to an extent.

lihwei gave me the bar of chocolates that he owed me. (:
then thought weisin so nice, give me two big boxes of guides cookies.

turns out the messenger blurred out. those cookies were for her and she gave them to me

and i gave away more than 2/3 of the cookies already.

*wails* i dont wanna pay for those cookies. im BROKE. i NEED my bling

all the stress is really making me crazy.
and then in phys lesson today, kjk showed us something about waves. and there was this thing that looked like those hynotising thingies and i told cw, these stuff will make you mad and go: CHYIWEI GOT BIG O.O CHYIWEI GOT BIG O.O

*dodges chyiwei's fist*

jingwen and i went running around like madchickens for ying yong wen. to no avail. made complete fools out of ourselves, going to class to class, desperately screaming for help.

and to those classes having lessons, jingwen will mouth GOT YING YONG WEN and points frantically to a sample book, at the side of the door or window and the people in the class will all go: O.o -> O.O -> ._.U -> looks under desk -> shakes head -> looks around -> shakes head

jingwen is real drama.

chyiwei and i were talking about :x then chyiwei was like: in america or the uk...
me: yeayea, i know, got sadie hawkins dance and those kinda stuff

then lkc thought it was GAO TONG XUE who was talking and scolded her.

felt really bad cause i was the one yakking away with chyiwei and in the end she got scolded and all.

chyiiiiii wei, the girl with super big O.O, has piano exam tomorrow. (good luck, yeas) so im gonna be all alone in my lil corner.

*wails*

no one to save me from the horror that is math class.

*looks at xinhang*
we're so dead. and we know it.

art's dued on wed. which is impossible. and i feel so _ed esp. cause im already at the bottom when it comes to science and math.

and im gonna stay there at this rate.

i wish i was CHINZHIHUI. >=(

TO ZHENHUI AKA MY SEAFOOD:

hahas i will also yong yuan zhi ci ni tooooo. start mugging too luh. jiayou for your promos kay.
GET PROMOTED! dont retain!

1018pm

17.9

The Power of my blog vs The Power of kwanki's blog
hmmm...

ohkay. realised he koped alot of my pictures from one of my post. ohkay, so he did give me credit but yeah, hey! i went through alot ohkay. i resized and photoshopped every picture and it was a blooooody large load of pictures
and he took everything.

*wails*

oh, and apparently, people from The Outside are trying to find OUR (not yours kk, T.T , our's)award-winning website. and they actually googled RVHS1

stupid eh.

i mean, googling rvhs1 is like ._.

ohkay, abit of background info: rvhs1 was the initial groupname. every rvhs team was called rvhs[insert number], to make mrsuria's life easier i guess.

yeah. sooo, our teamname is more commonly known to SSC as RVHS1.
and some guy googled RVHS1, in hope of finding OUR website. but instead, he found kk's blog.

luckily for me, he wont be able to find anything relevant either if he types in Ellies.

not that i dont want to show him... I just find pleasure in his misery. *evil grin*

ive been really OOC for the weekend. mugging and all. im really putting in the effort, y'know.

a big thanks to blahking who coached me in chem, bx for being there with me (digress: the great mystery of how she almost finished chem fys and knows so much and still didnt manage to pass chem)
GNGZXA, for encouraging me and helping me fend off potential design-project 'clients'

and kk. for. nothing much. cept his empty threats.

poke.

oh yea, and poking, for those who have read kk's blog, does not usually lead to S3x

>=( now everyone is gonna misunderstand me once i start talking about poking. and its all your fault kk.

*chants 'All your fault la, all your fault*

and then i'll jump around in glee, screaming ITS SO PIXELATED AHAHAHAHAHA.


tsk.
mugging makes me mental.

alliteration. cool huh.

hmm i was abit surprised with my performance on saturday. cause i was abit disorientated and blur. cause it was a saturday and i just came from hsk and yeah.

and despite it all, i was complimented quite a bit.
for the way i finished and well, generally, my performance at the barre.

usually i would be critisized and all, and after my 3weeks absence, i was afraid i would forget everything and screw up the steps.

but yea, everything turned out a-oh-kay in the end.

eoys. *shudders*

and that nasty lil voice at the back of my head chanting : you'll screw up, you'll just screw up again

but this time i'll have nothing to blame on.

feeling crazyhigh and feeling pessimistic at the same time is weird.

pfft.

i cant wait for the eoys to be over

cause im gonna redesign my blog. cause i cant stand this childish layout.

ew.

1045pm

15.9

hurhurs. suprisingly, its a surprise to most people that im a chocolate addict.

bleugh. i dont like those yucky no-brand chocolates ohkay.
i like mint-chocolate and milk chocolate. and thats all. ew to dark chocos.

oreo-FLAVOURED stuff are <3! too.

POKES BACK

hello blahking. :/

when cc people intrudes my blog, i dont know whether to feel scared or worried.

cause yeah, *glares at joseph*, cause he's the one responsible for spreading the existence of WootWoot.

*stops digressing*

to blahking: your classes i sometimes cannot understand.


think less,love more

that's my problem.
im way too sensitive to stuff
i think too much
and blow things way out of proportions.

and I have an enormous mouth.

seen, not heard.
that's the way it should be.

like i ought to keep my mouth zipped, and not speak unless im entirely sure, cause words can break and hurt

i should just stick to mugging 24/7 since thats the safest thing to do now.

1102

14.9

im down with the flu. joy.

ohkay, my l1r5 busted. but everyone seems to think that im 'motivated' and that i can do it and yeah. and they're pushing me over my limits and think that im pretending to be sick (what a load of bull), sooooo ive basically been mugging and mugging
to prove myself.

ok, i love beixin cause she gave me a bar of chocolate.
dayanna, the madwoman, sent me a crazy sms to proclaim her love for me.
chyiwei is influenced by Day the Mad, and beneath her quiet shy exterior, she is actually mad too.
huimin owes me lollipop.
lihwei owes me chocolate.
i owe aubrey The Sims.
i owe onghh chem ass

kay, mrs tay took 1 hr to explain something about functions and even explained it to me one-to-one and drove me crazy. i still couldnt understand it. but i was like, uhhh ohkay.

then she went off, and chyiwei explained it to me and within like 10-20 freaking seconds, i understood the whole thing.

and i groaned so loudly that everyone was staring at me. cause i wasted 1hr, driving myself crazy and all. and YEAHHHH. like i finally understood it within a few seconds.

chyiwei says what mrs tay said did make sense, in a chim way. but that's cause her tuition cher taught her mah, so i was like, ohkay, it makes sense to people who have already made sense of it.

i mean, no offence to mrs tay. she's probably a great math cher and all, but to someone like me, with the attention span of a goldfish, the intelligence of a... nut, its just difficult luh.

like she was explaining something for 20minutes (which again i made no sense of), until she drew a diagram to further explain... and the diagram was the one chng used and i finally understood what she was trying to say. not cause of what she said, but cause of the diagram and i remembered what chng said.

yes, chng took 5minutes to explain that. and yes, i understood it.

sighs. i think all i need now, is chyiwei or even better, her tuition teacher, and LOADSANDLOADS of practice, and i can pass my math with FLYING COLOURS.

oh, and i realised that the best way to survive anyday in Roving Vanilla High, is to arm yourself with a bar of chocolate. (: who cares whether its fattening.


kudos to beixin for that bigbar that managed to help me pull through today.

according to her, chocolates are like the secret to her success, as in, when she wants to mug, all she needs is chocolate.

kay, off to mug. (x

0628pm

12.9

i dont wanna pretend
that this is the end
of you and me.
-theveronicas

cause she's everything
&everything im not.

this was supposed to be a great week.
well, it started out all fine.

like, di finally called and i finallyfinally had someone who was there to just listen.

no one ever listens.
i guess thats what makes me look forward to his calls, you know.
to have someone who actually hears you and not judge you.

someone who understands.

who actually gives advice and not just put me down by saying : lac lah lac!

that pisses me off. relax, pfft.

played taboo during english today.
the word was teenager and zhuyi was damn _ luh. he was like: how do you classify yourself
quan ge: ...
janson: sex pervert
quan ge: ...
zhuyi: nonono. what do you call a girl and guy put together
everyone: rotfl

like that'll be like a transvetite or smth

janson: baby
zhuyi: nono. girl and guy together
quan ge: stead
zhuyi: no. like you like that...

aiyuh. you get the idea luh.

and chng was wondering why zhuyi sat alone.

chiiiiiiiwei /influenced by huimin >.> / was awfully sick today. get well soon kays.

and im awfully jealous of day and her. cause they're both filthy rich.

chiiiiiwei's already getting ANOTHER bag. and dayanna brought so much bling to school. TO SCHOOL. that's like wow. even if she is going shopping... i mean, i dont bring that much bling too.

i cant wait till the eoys are over. like finallyfinally there will be another brief respite.

even going to school now is like a joy or something. compared to home.
ironic eh. the word, home.

oh how i dread coming home >=(

im determined not to spend my birthday at home. >=( i'll find someone to share my misery on that day. bleugh.

cant wait till beixin's birthday. cause exams will FINALLY be over, and we would be going to the beach, to celebrate her birthday, zihan's birthday, my birthday and wini's birthday.

(: that'll be effing cool.

sigh, im dying for oreo-flavoured drinks now.

!and im in a <3 beixin mood right now cause she's gonna gimme chocolates tomorrow
>3<

but they wont be mine for long anyway, cause i would have to give them up to chyiwei. cause i pangseh her today.

blame andrew.

0612

firsts. tsk. - 11.9

Janlin's response was: did they judge web by all those cute stuff again

seriously. i feel really, really, insulted.

yeah. that's how i won you know. like wow. i have cute fluffly white cuddly thingies bouncing all around the screen. yeah, like that totally took the judges' breath away. that was the secret to my success man.

thats how i won. yeah. wow. cool huh. cute stuff always win in the end.

._.

sighs, janlin can never appreciate my stuff anyways. there's always a problem. cause to him, its just not practical. it is flawed, because it is different

anyway, today was horrible. dayanna said she wished she didnt come to school. i agreed.

I dont like 'First's. my 'First's always end badly.

first days. first impressions. firsts.

cher: *glares at me * whats going on zhixin!
then i think she scolded me. i couldnt remember her exact words. i dunno. if looks could kill, i know i'd be dead.

"damn rotten attitude"

though that may not be directed at me, i kinda knew who she was referring to.

i know its my fault. I was the last straw that broke the camel's back.

but i didnt mean it okay. like i mean, i can understand chyiwei more than i understand the class. no offence.

im sorry. i have the attention span the size of a goldfish and im not clever.
period.

everyone's disappointed in me now, cause everyone thinks that i dont work hard. im a slacker.

and that hurts. cause i know im not lazy.

people say I only need to prove it to myself, i dont need to care about what others think. but its so effing _ when I work so hard for something and in the end, all the adults ignore my efforts and conclude that im a good-for-nothing- a slacker.

oh, then i guess all those late nights, early mornings, those tears, those headaches were just illusions.

>=( im not coping and they dont care.

and here i am, mugging my arse off, trying to figure out what the simplest stuff mean, already at the bottom of the class, and there they are, rubbing it in, thinking that its just blarrrday fun and i actually like/want to come in last in almost everything

>=(

ohkay. what else went wrong. oh, another cher threatened promised to read my blog or something. so those who have problems in physics, like me here, please save me from my misery and go ask cher for help

hmm, another cher hinted that she wanted to "wash her hands off us".

another one realised what a dumbo i really am in her subject. like wow, she finally noticed my existence eh.

my only consolation today was that i didnt fail SS.

finally, one subject.

who wants to see how i screw tomorrow up. >=(

0907pm

reply - 10.9

to rachel or anyone else interested:
ELL.IES

i proved janlin wrong. I proved many others wrong.

yes, its nothing much. cause my programming is horrible. but hey, i proved you wrong.

i proved that you dont need to know flash to do something.

i proved that i was correct.

i proved that web div can win something

i proved MYSELF. see, janlin. i can do something.

i proved that I will never let my team down.

(:

thanks, jcd, rachel, anonymous-, weijie and many others.

LAYER ONE: ON THE OUTSIDE.

Name: zhixin. ._.
Birth date: 14.1091
Current status: uhhhhh... ?
Eye colour: black? or brown i guess
Hair colour: black
Righty or Lefty: righty.
Zodiac Sign: sheep. *yawns* ._.

LAYER TWO: ON THE INSIDE.

Your heritage: Chinese
Your fears: the unknown
Your weaknesses: im ticklish. and paranoid. and sensitive. and very ticklish.
Your perfect pizza: uhh, anything will do.

LAYER THREE: YESTERDAY, TODAY, TOMORROW.

Your thoughts first waking up: die. havent even start on homework
Your bedtime: 12-1am
Your most missed memory: :/

LAYER FOUR: YOUR PICK.

Pepsi or Coke: as much as it hurts to admit this, coke
McDonald's or Burger King: McDonald's
Single or group dates: both.
Adidas or Nike: neither.
Lipton tea or Nestea: neither.
Chocolate or vanilla: vanilla
Cappuccino or coffee: neither

LAYER FIVE: DO YOU?

Smoke: *looks at beixin* T.T
Curse: sometimes :/
Take a shower: of course ._.
Have a crush: mmm.
Think you've been in love: mmm
Like(d) school: pfft.
Want to get married: mmm
Believe in yourself: sometimes
Think you're a health-freak: No.

LAYER SIX: IN THE PAST MONTH.
Drank alcohol: mr soh, im innocent.
Gone to the mall:duh.
Been on stage: yea.
Eaten sushi: yea
Dyed your hair: no.

LAYER SEVEN: HAVE YOU EVER?
Played a stripping game: no.
Changed who you were to fit in: kinda :/

LAYER EIGHT:

Age you're hoping to be married: dunno :/.

LAYER NINE: IN A GIRL/GUY
.
Best eye colour: grey?! *SWOOOONS* (any will do luh)
Best hair colour: anything
Short or long hair: so not important.

LAYER TEN: WHAT WERE YOU DOING.
1 minute ago: ._.
1 hour ago: showering
4.5 hours ago: at The Pavilion collecting my art piece
1 month ago: thattts august right. ndp. hmmm. i forgot
1 year ago: i forgot.

LAYER ELEVEN: FINISH THE SENTENCE.


I love: oh my, you really want me to finish this? cause the list is long.
I feel: bored and tired and I REALLY DONT WANT TO GO SCHOOL OR DO HOMEWORK.
I hate: too strong a word
I hide: feelings. who doesnt.
I miss: didi, who listens.
I need: time.



bleugh. no offence but that was the worst quiz ive done. its not only long, its boring. ><

ok. mugged. went to Pavilion to collect art, went to bugis. initially to take a peek at the artexhibition. in the end, just went to shop for chyiwei's and day's stuff.

currently: pissed at the rest of the world.

you know, that kinda mood that you always feel on bad days.

like why is everyone on my case. why is everyone bugging me to do stuff and they can never understand. you know. that kind of feeling that comes with these thoughts

the kind of mood where you just wanna kick something.

run, run away. far.
where they can never find me.

i dont wish to be found.

they dont understand anyway. its not that easy. do they actually think i like being an underachiever.

pfft.

this isnt fun.

0637pm

floating! - 9.9

wanted to give day a wake-up/happy birthday call this morning but yea, day is a heavy sleeper so that didnt work.

anyway, happy sweet 15 to yooo. (:

yay. finals. felt quite useless today cause all i can do is to watch the robotics people run around, freak out and getting screwed. and I cant help them cause I know nuts about robo.



after the briefing on the surprise mission, all 9 of the rv teams went to one playfield , as though claiming it as our own. like everyone crowding over the playfield, strategizing.





we gave each of the team a specific part of the surprise mission to work on and later in the end, they will collate it and ta-dahhh

well, the plan sounded really good and all. you know, teamwork and everything.
but in the end, we couldnt do it given the short amount of time. kk said that NJRC finals are always like that, alot of teams end up getting kosong.

ah wells.

almost lost my handphone. cause I was in Science Center and saw this machine thingy and... ok, its a dumb story in which i embarrassed myself and others and the point is that, my handphone dropped out and i didnt realise it until I went back to the Annex

then was quite worried cause if I really lose my phone I'll be as good as dead.
I cant live without my phone man

was damn damn damn lucky that some kind soul returned it to the lost and found section.

mmm yeah, and ELL.IES, won 4 awards (: thats like making history or something cause according to andrew, no one from rv won multiple awards so far. and according to justin, its been 7 years since we won anything in terms of web.

yeah, gold for web design <3!

when we were told we won something, we were kinda :/ cause they told us one. one sounded like won, i guess.

then we ran up and down the stage and a whole round and back again for four times.

got reallyreally high when I got the web design one and the rest of the team were like ._. cause web design was my job and not theirs.

was so glad cause I proved that you do not need to be pro in Flash or whateverrr to win something for web design. proved loads of people wrong. and proved myself (:


*dances around in glee*

the coordinator said we were 'dui lian' cause he was from rv and I was jumping around in glee and the rest were like poking me.

the emcee said, when we went up to collect our first prize, "i will have to count how many times they go up" and the prize presenter was like stunn, "is it you again? are you sure its you? is it really you"

(:

im higher than high! I'm on the brink of insanity.

I ran out with the precious trophy and was continued jumping and jumping and joseph couldnt believe the fact that we won something for web.

LALALAAAAAA.

kay. then ate dinner at je. there was this creepy ju-on like guy who was bugging me and i figured that I better make a move since all the rest of em were doing were to throw blu-tack at each other.

i'd rather not embarrass myself tyvm (x

and now that its all over, its back to mugging. gosh. like I'm so lost in terms of my studies that I dont know how or where to start.

believe me, I love to ask for help. but in 2weeks? how can i learn EVERYTHING in 2 weeks.

yeah. good game.

like what marcus always say: im screwd.



0836pm

brief respite- 8.9

NJRC today.

finally.

ok setting up of booth:



red tie one is andrew, the one with shades is fh, the one with ribbon is me and the one with 3 pathetic strands of hair is kk.





ok. our group's booth totally owned. mainly cause some people dont bother with the booth and concentrate on robot, and those who actually care... well, their booth was pathetic luh.

lala. (:

KK peeked and saw we got 16/25 for aesthetic value. and then the judge went to re-mark all of the rest of the booths. cause they couldnt be better than us. i mean, seriously, today, rv booths owned everyone else's.

anyway. we got 16/25 and fh and i were >=( cause we've never gotten a B3 for art. and some judge gave us like B3. >=(

anyway, all the coordinators loved our booth. and this highranked judge came over and yeah (:

and they were blown away luh. cause we used the Scouts's damn-powderful spotlight and yeah, our booth was super gorgeous with it.

ELLIES team S238



our baobei robot which didnt fail us


cause of some complications, kwanki went to run the robot and i went to help and we screwd everythnig up and got kosong for that mission. and i was pretty :'( about it cause like it did seemed like my fault?

im a jinx, you see.

and my luck wasnt that good today.

rather disappointed. cause my performance sucked bigtime.



RV's territory


then joseph's group started to play with the projector. they faced it upwards towards the ceiling and it was so cool luh. their first message:


its true. we owned (:

then after being harrassed by andrew,


josepg is a nice guy. he wrote this:


kay then the whole slideshow became an advertisement. imagine the last few pictures blinking a few times, then changing to the next and the next and the following:




tadahh!



all the rvians crowding to see the advertisement and rotfl.
cant blame us. i mean, other than the booth, we have to stay in there, quarantined, from like 8-6. with lunch break. but no one goes out anyway.

boredom kills.


luckily we have music. we took lihwei's super powderful speakers for our booth and blast our music. which was able to overpower those cheering teams from other schools. bleugh.

listening to them was :/ after a while. I mean yeah, high and all. but for the whole day? gawd, its irritating.

so we were so >=) with the speakers.

then there were people who sang (out of tune, as usual). who sounded horrible. this guy sang kiss goodbye, yisheng when nuts.
and to provoke him further, we blasted kiss goodbye after the guy sang. just to poke fun at them.

hurhurs.

ok, here's proof on how rv totally owned the whole competition today


out of the 10 teams we sent, 9 got in. and in previous years, it was always rare to get teams in. like usually we only have 1 or 2.

yeah.

so this year was like >=)!

then our sponsor came! yayness. i was thinking that i was scammed or something and that i'll never get my 60bucks back

but they came and they were really nice as usual and told us that if we won anything, they'll give stuff to us as well.

<3!

its amazing. the influence of good deeds.

how we got the sponsor is that... ok, we were at queensway, trying to print out our breadtalk posters (recycle, you know (:)

then it was like 30bucks and we were like T.T, so the lady gave us 20bucks. but it was still too ex so we were about to leave when this businessman (ohkay, this superrich man with gold chains and rolex watch) asked us what was our budget.

and we said 10bucks. so he said he'll sponsor the other half. but when we were about to pay, he cut in to give the lady 50bucks and said he'll sponsor the full amount.

damn nice luh he.

and he refused to give us his name or contact or namecard and just told us to jiayou.

then this guy, from another company so what he did and praised the rich guy on his generosity and told us that he'll sponsor us as well.

20posters and 20brochures.

wheee.
that's how we got that sponsor.

then the other one was a printing company who said that cause our school gave them loads of bling to do stuff (apparently miss ek did her namecard there)

so they sponsored us this $70 banner. the long one. its the third pic in this post.

and they were so nice. like they gave it to us and told us: the rest is up to you guys ler. go win.

but today i was super unlucky.

got felt up by 3 guys today. accidentally. but still.

and landed in a rather _ position. well almost. it wasnt my fault. my butt hurt after that fall kay.

as for piano, it was a major screwup. felt like jingmeiwoo from joyluckclub. but luhluhluh. not as though im gonna continue piano la. thank gawd.

thanks to people like tiff fh and s.m.lsd who were there when i broke down.

aft this week,i was rather embarrassed that i felt that way. cause it was wrong.

and what he said really stung. not that it was something that was suppose to sting, but it was just true. and i was really embarrassed and i just felt like i really let him down.

i learnt to always give people the benefit of the doubt. cause no one is really that bad. and they're really all nice and if they arent, its probably due to a good reason. one with good intentions. yeah.

i dunno luh. sounds like crap eh. but yeah. :/

bleugh.

here's to winning.
here's to ignoring the pile of holi homework.

to jcd and beixin:
im really sorry that cause ive been really busy, im not there for you guys. i know its no excuse but i should have been there when the world walked out on you. literally?

esp when beixin smsed me to pei her go west coast and i didnt. and it turned out to be a huge disaster. :/

so here's to cheering up, and realising that its not you, realising that it is ohkay to feel that way, realising that you're not worthless, you're not an outcast.

and the next time you guys need me, i'll be there.

you know my number ;D


0832

7.9

im asking for some kind of miracle.

every day passes by like a blur and im running short of time. i know i cant make it, but the stubborn side of me is just unwillinging to give up.

like all im gna do is to go in there, embarrass myself for 10minutes.

i'll never be able to live this down.

for the past few days, ive just been really vulnerable. like the 'gna break down as soon as you poke her' that kinda way.

I cant stop to think or reflect cause if i do, I'd end up really emo and _ed

booth preparations are still well... we still have quite a lot of work to do and its just so aurgh!

its suffocating.

everything.

ive thought of giving my position up cause its better i give it up, than the chers to force me to give up. with the way things are going now, I'd be a gone case by the end of the term.

but then, i'd be letting people like jcd, and myself down.

I can feel a breakdown. Iike im gonna burst any minute.

ive been suppressing it for the whole week, but I doubt i can hold it any longer. i just hope i wont fall apart in the middle of the exam.

again.

:'[ sighs, im asking of some kind of miracle.

im not fussy. really. at this point, any sort of miracle would suffice.



0809am

(insert turtle here)- 4.9

the crocodile hunter died. yeah, then everyone put a turtle infront of their nicks to show respect or smtg.

Seafood: lolx,,, tudi
me: omggg u oso hv turtle!
seafood: i also wondering y everyone having turdle
i have long long ago
seafood: they copy mi

nsc is next next week. so sunfei decided to steal kwanki and andrew away. sooooo... we're basically _ed luh.

tsk.

i didnt know marcus could do robo. stunned.

so he built some base or something. then he was so proud that he did something or ... something. yeah, then he soon influenced the whole room to 'lousy'd me.

joseph was no better.

tsk. jeffrey, went for some cancer something. to help cancer patients and kena janlin cut.

so everyone =O. (x

jeffery is very porn. ._.

tsk. sec1s these days.

ok. im proud of myself today. though i may not have built some weird robot base, at least I got _ (x

ahaha!

*ignores kwanki's you're in denial*

im not luh really. everyone thinks i am. in denial.

that i cant play with lego or something.

blahhh.

ohkay. i cant think properly now.

my too-tight school skirt was effing tight. like its soo long and the waist part there is so tight. siao designer.

like a corset or something. crushing me. was seriously _ed with it.

after i took it out, the _ed feeling was still there.

sigh, no pain, no gain?

i get it now.

those who have a tummy, just try on my skirt.

satisfaction guranteed.

0934

take me to your heart- 3.9

i dont like how some people underestimate me
and treat me as though as though I'm inferior. like I cant be like them. I cant do better than them

so i try to impress everyone.

i try to blow everyone away. with what I can do.

to prove myself

but in the end, the plan backfires, and turns out they proved me wrong.

that i cant do better. i am inferior.

like you never really care how well I did in my art subjects and all.

and I wasted my time trying to impress everyone. trying to make everyone happy.

just look at the mess that im responsible for now.

how badly i failed in various stuff
how badly i am going to fail

sighs-

im sorry for not living up to everyone's expectations.

im sorry. for the situation wont change.

I want to improve. I want to sit down and study real hard and mug like almost everyone out there.

its not like im not 'using my time effectively' and all that shit ok.

i'm trying so hard now, but i just cant

so just. i dunno. i give up luh.

there's just no time for me to redeem myself.

and now, im just rushing for the design for the booth.

sighs-

just feel so tired nowadays. with njrc, piano.

*bangs head on table*

aft exams, the first thing I would do is to go to the beach and forget about all these _

>=(

the beach, the malls, kbox, everywhere but here.

0744

dirty- 2.9

when we lead such fragile lives
its the best way we survive


i just feel really exhausted now.

and i just wanna rant. to anyone who cares.

cause the schedules are so tight.

we were the first to present, and then everything went super-ly well. we had fun. we danced. we got really high.

i dont feel like going into much details. pm me if you wanna know the juicy bits.

feel too :/ to do it now cause sighs.

you know that feeling, like you dont know this person, this stranger. but he looks like someone you know. and that someone you know was also a stranger. but a stranger who knew everything. so not quite a stranger, but a stranger anyway.

and then the stranger, the one that looked like the other stranger, looks at you. stares. like he can sees right through you. like he knows everything about you. and you remember everything that _

like he knows me better than I know myself

so how did the presentation finals went? well, we did exceptionally well.
but i just feel so _ed right now.

thanks to everyone who tried to tell me that its ok, we've got it covered, we went, we conquered and yeah. just that, _.

ohkay. so.

='(

if we get into the finals, the Against All Odds award is surely ours again. Cause of all the emo stuff and all the _ that we're facing.

when all fails, folk dance/sundance will save you life. lala.

sighs. this is the result of when you put 4 auditionsea players together. *shakes head*

we are impossible.

0517